breakthemidwest

breakthemidwest @ 2008-11-30T20:23:00

2008-12-01T01:26:06Z

life is SO much more. so much more beautiful, more perfect, more exactly the way you imagined in your childhood fairy tale dreams.

musical project is getting alot of notice/buzz. now is my time. no more shit. no more liars. no more jobless, needy, self righteous assholes.

we have each other. our cabin in the woods is a door to a world that we both never thought possible.
keep a knob on the radio, we're coming. :)

breakthemidwest @ 2008-11-17T20:56:00

2008-11-18T01:57:24Z

some people are just complete fuckers. i seriously cant get over the complete assholeness of some people. oh well, once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit. SO unbelievable glad you are gone.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-10-01T20:37:00

2008-10-02T00:37:58Z

fall. fall. FALL! so xcited. thanks babetron

you are more perfect than you will ever know.

for now you are everything

2008-09-13T04:57:39Z

met el's extended family a few weeks back. i guess now his mom wants to meet me more than ever. i dont know what to do. I mean, I dont introduce boys to my parents unless its reaaaaallll serious. and I dont think ill spring that on El until christmas time. but why am i so wierd about my family? maybe because i feel that if you dont get the approval of your beloved's loved ones, you're fucked. or maybe its because at my age, i dont even want to involve my family in someone im in a relationship with unless its been 5 months minimum. Because to me, my family is the final frontier. Or, maybe it is bcause this is the first relationship that i can see going somewhere. at least somewhere beyond the normal, carnal bullshit that people pretend substitutes for a relationship. This is honestly the first time that I have experiences REAL love. everything else was bullshit constructed for someone else's needs. its you, El. through everything, it's you.

he is

2008-08-03T07:19:01Z

everything. to the boy who i loved who will read this, im sorry for everything. we were so wrong for each other. but. i found the boy who is right. im so so soooooo sorry my dear. and you know who you are. im glad you are happy and that i found the man who makes me completely happy as well.

thank you for all you made me realize. thank you for really loving me for a brief period. nothing but love and joy to you and your girlfriend. you made me realize i was beautiful. and for that i am forever grateful. love you joey! thanks for helping me meet the perfect person! good luck and massive love in all you do!

breakthemidwest @ 2008-03-13T02:54:00

2008-03-13T06:55:19Z

come live with me.
one more summer.
i am serious.

you know who you are.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-03-12T22:48:00

2008-03-13T02:49:01Z

a href="http://s140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/ladyesplain/?action=view¤t=MyPicture-32.jpg" target="_blank"></a>

better shots to come.
definitely one of the best experiences of my life.
5 hours have never gone so fast.
my body has finally become a canvas of my life stories.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-03-11T04:20:00

2008-03-11T08:20:53Z

close this up.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-02-21T00:55:00

2008-02-21T05:55:12Z

Yeah Yeah Yeah by Roddy Lumsden

No matter what you did to her, she said,
There's times, she said, she misses you, your face
Will pucker in her dream, and times the bed's
Too big. Stray hairs will surface in a place
You used to leave your shoes, A certain phrase,
Some old song on the radio, a joke
You had to be there for, she said, some days
It really gets to her; the way you smoked
Or held a cup, or her, and how you woke
Up crying in the night sometimes, the way
She'd stroke and hush you back, and how you broke
Her still. All this she told me yesterday,
Then she rolled over, laughed, began to do
To me what she so rarely did with you.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-02-17T22:22:00

2008-02-18T03:24:02Z

So I'll cross my heart
And hope to die
Before I have a chance to lie
To you my dear
Who I wish no harm
But I know in the end this will turn out wrong
See I've been known to fall in love
But sometimes love just is not enough

breakthemidwest @ 2008-02-11T01:50:00

2008-02-11T06:53:03Z

So heres to living life miserable.
And heres to all the lonely stories that I've told.
Maybe drinking wine will validate my sorrow.
Every woman needs a muse and mine cold be the bottle.
Maybe then I could sleep at night.
I wouldn't lay awake until the morning light.
This is something that I'll never control.
My nerves will be the death of me, I know.

this is me screaming for help.
to faces that never cared.
to hearts that never loved.
sadness may be a lonely man,
but he is the only man who has never left me.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-01-25T23:48:00

2008-01-26T04:49:41Z

seeing the boy tomorrow!
ahhhhh ,so excited/nervous.
the feeling of a new love breaking though clouds.
keep me warm tonight, my darling.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-01-23T14:07:00

2008-01-23T19:07:57Z

just when i had given up on love, he came rushing in with a song and a heart of gold. I will let you in, I will share my bed. I will give you my heart on which to rest your head.

We'll have a seat and light another cigarette
We'll have a drink for nothing to regret
We'll clap our hands when, when we hear that sound
We won't be sad now
We won't be feeling down
We could live or die
And have a great time
I'll be your valentine
What an ugly valentine
We could live or die
And have a great time
You'll be my valentine
What a perfect valentine
We could live and die be my valentine

breakthemidwest @ 2008-01-05T01:13:00

2008-01-05T06:21:51Z

There are certain people you love who do something else, they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the one person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occured. This is because the the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real-but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

breakthemidwest @ 2008-01-03T00:25:00

2008-01-03T05:38:56Z

hey. how're things? good? good.
me? well, i guess im doin just fine. the sense of betrayal still remains, but, i guess some things never leave. on the bright side, i feel things changing. crazy awesome opportunities are coming up, and im going to grab on with both hands and not let go. ive got some doors to kick down, and they will come down.
new years was good. spent it with two of the greatest girls ive ever known. and as the clock struck twelve, this wierd wave of sadness and relief just flooded me. relief that one of my most tumultuous and life changing years to date was over, and sadness over something even you, dear journal, are just not privy to.
i want this to be the year that i am truly happy. for most people, thats not that hard to achieve, but for me, it really is. i havent been happy in way too long. not happy in myself, my accomplishments, my work, my surroundings, just alot of shit i need to clear up. every one of my 20 years has brought me a step closer to the awesome woman i want to be. i want this one to bring it full circle. i know im rambling, but, i really dont care. this next semester is going to be crazy. rad summer, sxsw, djing, cleaning up my ep, 16 credit hours, working 20+ hours, damn. i think i just push myself to prove i can do it. i have this list in my head of people that doubted me, that think i cant. my goal in life is to throw it back in their face. everyone who has ever doubted me, will be put in their place. even though im hurting, even though im working my way through heaps of shit, i am doing it. im doing it my way. just let it go, baby, just let it go. if it didnt matter to them half as much as is did to you, let it go. im trying. keep throwing punches, but i will never fall. that is a promise.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-12-29T21:16:00

2007-12-30T02:17:13Z

your long gone from this city,
I,
start to miss you, baby,
sometimes.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-12-13T19:22:00

2007-12-14T00:26:50Z

you broke my heart.
never forget this.
never let the love we shared leave
keep safe the part of me that will never return.
for she was a lovely girl.
yet you still crushed her.
does that make you feel any better
about the sinner you have become?
collecting hearts like an ugly necklace.
hurt and fake loves strung on the rustiness of your words.
mine is the centerpiece.
the brightest and the most beautiful.
except for the scar.
in the shape of your initials.
j.
a.
g.
a jagged edge.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-12-07T01:44:00

2007-12-07T06:44:45Z

it would break even the strongest heart,
what i am haunted by

breakthemidwest @ 2007-12-02T21:06:00

2007-12-03T02:15:51Z

i will wear you as a scar.
that is all you are to me anymore.
injured flesh on my porcelain skin.
reminding not to ever fall in love
with words and broken promises.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-11-19T13:18:00

2007-11-19T18:20:30Z

I still see you inside of this God-awful house
You move awfully quiet now
And I still feel you everywhere
You told me this has always been worth living,
But what's really worth living anymore?

breakthemidwest @ 2007-11-12T16:12:00

2007-11-12T21:16:27Z

We were so close to being close
Just when I loved you the most
You turned into a ghost
You turned me on
Then you were gone

those who say love is enough are liars.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-11-11T13:47:00

2007-11-11T18:48:25Z

it was the best one i have ever made. i spent a week on it.
but you will never hear it.
that breaks my heart, because it could have been the one thing that changed us.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-11-08T12:27:00

2007-11-08T17:29:20Z

why does hurting me still matter?
if you say im gone, then let me be so.
if you say i dont cross your mind, then stop dreaming about it.
if you say you still care, then quit throwing daggers every chance you get.
you say it was me.
but we both know it was you.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-11-06T02:37:00

2007-11-06T07:40:16Z

ive been distancing myself recently from some things i should have been removed from long ago. its hard, but healthy. i can feel myself changing alot recently. physically. i dont eat very much any more. i just dont feel the desire. i think for the longest time i used food as a crutch. and i dont want to do that anymore. i miss it, the feelings. but i dont miss the hurt. im still healing, and i dont know when i shall return.

breakthemidwest @ 2007-10-28T17:44:00

2007-10-28T21:45:08Z

Goodbye. I'll miss you.
Sleep tight. Goodnight.

Goodbye. I'll miss you.
Sleep tight.
A mended heart
By a thousand stitches.
A mended heart
By a thousand...

Walk with me.
I will never erase
Your name
From my heart.

I am held together
By promises.

Goodbye I'll miss you.
Sleep tight.